The GMail Spam box

August 26th, 2008 – 19:59

Perusing the subject lines in my Gmail box this evening.  There’s some real gems here:

  • Britney Spears Urged By President to Get Divorce
  • Perez Hilton to be sworn in as Israeli President?  (Huh.  I didn’t know he was circumcised…)
  • Paris Jail Sketch worth $100,000 (wow, for a crayon drawing?  What’s that god-awful poetry worth?)
  • Paris in for sex change?  (You’ll notice a trend here, as I keep going)
  • Judge Sauer to throw Hilton into Lynwood Psychiatric Wing
  • Paris Hilton Lands Leadng Role in New Broadway Production
  • Dr. Phil calls Paris Hilton “Trash Without the Trailer” (if it were true, it would be totally ironically funny)
  • Ann Coulter wants Paris Hilton thrown in Guantanamo (Of course, Hilton is a dem, so yeah, she does)
  • Paris Hilton and Britney Spears in Lesbian Prison Romp (about 5 years ago that might have been hot)
  • Paris Hilton’s Vagina Bites Penguin (Um… yeah.)
  • John McCain to Paris Hilton:  “Cosmo, bayatch!”  (see, they misspelled “biyatch.”  I hate misspelled spam.)
  • Paris Hilton sold her soul to the devil, admits it on Larry King (this one was so important that I got it TWICE)
  • Britney Spears to donate eggs for Darfur (what, they have no chickens?)
  • Angelina Jolie’s Lips Explode (if the Spam catcher hadn’t caught this, I’d hope I actually had a friend named Norris Harden)

There’s a bit of a lesson to learn, though:

  • Spammers are a little behind the times.  We don’t care about Britney OR Paris anymore.  They may be on to something with Angelina, though.
  • Spammers now care more about this than my penis size, which they all tell me is too small.
  • They at least know America likes sex.
  • They still can’t spell worth a damn
By ben | Posted in dot internet, dot wtf | Tagged , , , | Comments (1)

To write, or what?

August 22nd, 2008 – 23:48

Just deciding whether I’m suffering writer’s block or just in need of a hiaitus.  Fuck, Google doesn’t even index me anymore.  :p

By ben | Posted in dot stuff | Comments (0)

Yo, dog, what is up?

August 18th, 2008 – 19:12

Inspiration:  This post from one of my favorite blogs, Stuff White People Like.

Though it is very acceptable and common for the right kind of white people to dress and act as though they were Japanese, Chinese, or European, it is completely unacceptable for them to act like rappers [...]  The brilliant solution they came up with was to appropriate hip hop words and mannerisms and filter them through a white appropriateness system.

This?  True.  What makes it even funnier, or so my African-American friends tell me, is when I do it in the style of Eddie Murphy impersonating a white man.. an impersonation of an impersonation, if you will.

Also:

This is also an excellent way to make white people like you.  If you can recite rap lyrics with perfect enunciation, they will always find it funny.  As a rule of thumb, the more popular the rapper, the funnier it gets.  Best options: 50 Cent, Tupac, Biggie Smalls, or Jay Z.

It’s not just white people, folks.  One of my bestest friends when we were in Alabama, a short-of-stature black mother of three, would recite DMX lyrics with me, downtempo and with perfect enunciation.  It was the only funny thing in that office, many days.  Sunshine on a cloudy day, if you will.

Note: avoid Kanye West as the irony of reciting his lyrics with perfect english is not as great.

I would pay good money to see Kanye West avoiding recitation of Kanye West lyrics.

This random snark has been brought to you by the distraction of getting USA Network’s east coast feed and loving it.

By ben | Posted in dot entertainment, dot stuff | Tagged , , | Comments (2)

Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, RIP

August 10th, 2008 – 14:19

Bernie Mac, dead at 50.

Isaac Hayes, Mr. Hot Buttered Soul, dead at 65.

Hard to say who I’m going to miss more, but at this point I think it’d be Bernie Mac.  He was still relevant in my world; Isaac Hayes ceased to be anything to me when he left South Park a few years ago in a tiff over how they treated Scientology.  (Later it was postulated that Hayes was in ailing health and had recently had a stroke, and those were the true catalysts behind him leaving the show, but this was never proven.)

Anyway.  Rest in peace, both of you.

If these things come in threes, though, I wonder who’s next?

By ben | Posted in dot stuff | Comments (3)

K2 Lite for Sandbox Available again

August 9th, 2008 – 16:04

I’ve been running it for months and haven’t remembered to put it up.

Go here… :)

By ben | Posted in dot stuff | Comments (0)

Well wishes

August 5th, 2008 – 18:00

Just a quick note, sending my happy thoughts and good vibes to a blog-buddy of mine, Venomous Kate, who’s got a lot of crap happening in her life.

By ben | Posted in dot blogging, dot internet | Tagged , , | Comments (1)

Super Eternal Mario Sunshine

August 5th, 2008 – 17:34

Super Mario is the greatest love story, ever.

Too big to repost here, so follow the link. :)

This webcomic is a good read, for those who are into the type of humor he creates… a bit offbeat, which is what I love most. MOST of his comics I would describe as simply “good,” but on occasion I catch a real gem that stays in my brain for days. He does have an art direction that I can appreciate — it’s an 8-bit lifeform. :) Plus the author, Richard Stevens, is very personable and will talk to his fans (unlike other webcomic artists who spend much of their days bashing their detractors instead).

Plus he’s got some incredibly hilarious T-shirts, as well. My current personal favorite, and my most recent personal favorite are right here. I have a postcard of the most recent favorite, that he was kind enough to send along at one point.

By ben | Posted in dot entertainment, dot internet | Tagged , , | Comments (0)